hollow block

Don't you just hate it when, after you go through the cursory keys to open your mail and you find WELCOME, WHATSYOURFACE, YOU HAVE 12 UNREAD MESSAGES, you find that you have one legitimate mail and eleven junkmails from enterprising web syndicates trying to sell you their merchandise?

(hinga.)

I am eating nestle crunch as I type so I'm not that pissed, really. Hello, are you still on earth?

The holidays are almost over and I am most proud to announce that I have thrown away the hatelist i have been lugging around for years. Which means I am free of the emotional torment those dingalings had over me. Pinasa-Dios ko na lang silang lahat. But not without the hope that someday something heavy will fall on their heads and leave them IQ-less.

What I want to get rid of now is the perpetual longing of going back to the past. I'm almost sucked dry na kasi. What with motherhood and all the shit that comes with it. You know that burned-out feeling when you just want to scream and scream until your lungs explode? That's how I feel every morning. And this writing stuff is my diversion. SO if you find yourself the constant receptacle of my anguish, i am just milking that old cliche "That's what friends are for", for all it's worth.

On my way to this internet cafe I was accosted by a familiar sight. A group of youngish blockheads who are quite obviously on their way to a beach outing. They had with them a cassette player and a bag of fish for grilling. It cast me onto memory lane against my will. It's like some evil force was projecting what I had given up, in 3D.

But don't get me wrong. I don't resent having married early. I love my daughter with all my heart. I am just PISSED at the limitations I have to subscribe to now. Why can't I have what I had then and still enjoy what I have now? Haaaah!

If there's something good that came out of this whole issue, it's the fact that I have been so blessedly busy to think about the fact that this is my first christmas without Dada. In fact, Christmas day came and went but there wasn't a moments respite for me to dwell on things and people gone by. Buti na lang.

Ay basta I can't wait to start working na ulit. I want more out of myself. I want me to get out and have a life. It's time to put myself first above everyone else. I found out the hard and painful way that I haven't been a very good mother and a very good wife because I forgot about me. I mean, how can you love someone else if you have nothing inside you to live on, much less to give?

My, that was insightful. Could it be the fact that I am munching on my 2nd nestle cruch that is making me so uh, wisdamus?

gunkmail and other oddities

GUNKMAIL- LETTERS FROM A SINGLE GRINGA PILES UP UNNOTICED, UNANSWERED OR, IGNORED. LIKEWISE WITH HAIR. TOO MUCH BUILD-UP EQUALS (BINGO!) BAD HAIR DAY.

Hi. Me again. The gunkworm; pondering on life's sad businesses atop this great, big pile of festering GUNKMAIL that i have otherwise been contributing to.

Let me quote to you from Pumba's Guide to Stinky Living.

"I would get downhearted, every time that i farted... and it hurt when my friends never stood down-wind.."

Get it?

It's sunday, my husband is snoring away. My semi-autistic daughter has her eyes glued on sunday morning cartoons, and I am mindlessly pounding away on the keyboard. Got my plans laid-out for the 24th and 25th. We're blessedly having beef caldereta, southern fried chicken and buco-nata salad for our holiday dinner. We're spending the 25th at the beach, where all of us, including Malcolm the dog, will be feasting on pork barbeque and grilled ocean-dweller.

Do you know that I never once considered Ham and Queso de Bola must-haves for the Noche Buena table? As far as I know Ham is the least festive of all dishes, and Queso de fucking bola tastes atrocious. Like cartolina.

Yeah, i've tasted cartolina when i was a kid. No, wait! I was in highschool na pala that time.

God I miss my parents.

Whoee. That was brain interruption number 1. I better leave you hanging before I have another epiphany.

Ciao. Happy Holidays, Grinch (Joel) and Beached Whale(Minsi).

Beached Whale kasi you can't dive in the deep ever again diba? Mwah.